the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
