I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
