I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
