I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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