Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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