I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize