Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
