he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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