If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
