just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
