There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize