piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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