it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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