Barsexuality is the new black.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize