and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
