i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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