Don't you send me to vm
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
