I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
