I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
