it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
