I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
