I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
