So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
