There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
BRING THE BAGELS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
