Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
