as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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