I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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