She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
