Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize