I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
