my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
