Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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