Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Quick, to the slutcave!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I will be naked everywhere
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
