Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
