There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
