Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
