I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a hot homeless man
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just gargled with NyQuil
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
