The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
