you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
