im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
