were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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