Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
