no, he came in my armpit
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
