It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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