Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
