Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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