I am in a vortex of obligation.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
