Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize