I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
