O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
