I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
