Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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