also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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