i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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