i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize