I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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