I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
