dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
a search helicopter?!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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