IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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