she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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