I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
a search helicopter?!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
