Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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