thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
