Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
