Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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