he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
