At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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