Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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