I heard we made out
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
