your thong is hanging out like whoa
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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