yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
