I met the friendliest cop last night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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