Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We got so high we made milksteak
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
